Autistics Speaking Day: The Dark Side of Autism

Happy Autistics Speaking Day! Three years ago, some well-meaning but misguided souls decided that it would be a good idea to have a communication shutdown in support of autistics. The autistic community responded by declaring November 1 (the date of the communication shutdown) Autistics Speaking Day. This is the fourth one so far and it shows no sign of slowing.
This year I’m going to talk about the Dark Side of my autism.
I’ve never had a girlfriend. When I was at school, there was this one girl whom I liked. By the time I realised I had feelings for her, we had matriculated and I haven’t met her again.
I was bullied as a child because I was autistic. Bullies seem to have an uncanny ability to locate easy prey. Adding to this, I have a tendency to behave inappropriately at times. That made me a target. After an altercation last year I decided that enough was enough and bought myself an ASP Baton. I live in South Africa where it is legal for private citizens to own and carry them. Whenever I leave my flat, the ASP is in a holster on my belt. To avoid causing offence, I wear a jacket or untuck my shirt and cover it. I intend going for training and I used to practise Karate, but the training places I’ve scouted are all rather expensive.
One typical weakness of autistics is executive functioning. It’s a huge problem with me. If I’m working on something and get stuck, I’ll spin my wheels and stay stuck, instead of moving on. It’s harmed me before. When things go wrong, I stress out a lot faster than a neurotypical person would. I’ve often had a mini-meltdown followed by a shutdown.
Autism has its ups. If someone offered me a pill that would turn me neurotypical I wouldn’t take it, because I wouldn’t be me if I did. It also has its downs, as I am all too aware.

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About autismjungle

I am a Software Test Analyst. Shortly before I turned 21 I was officially diagnosed, although I had long suspected I was autistic. Welcome to my blog
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